Queen Lakeeli vibes

How to get blue ticked

EP 2: The male thot

The first thing I did after the lockdown was lifted was hung out with the girls. After months in total lockdown, a change of scenery was highly welcomed when it was temporarily lifted especially if it involved getting glammed up with your favorite people, taking snaps, and lots of wine.

The golden rule was to consult everyone before posting any group picture, I couldn’t blame them, our bodies had transformed into unknown celestial beings but we couldn’t let the internet notice anything. After a round of confirmation, I posted a group picture on my Facebook. Thereafter I bid my girls farewell as my uber arrived just in time to beat the curfew.

On the ride home, I noticed the countless notifications of reactions to my post but that was always expected until one peculiar message notification popped up.

Have you ever been in such a jolly mood that you accept all friend requests? Apparently, this message came from one of those accounts.

“Send your WhatsApp no.” it read.

The person behind the account had Ivan as his username and the profile picture had a political candidate from a previous election.

“What for?”, I asked still perturbed that someone could boldly go into a stranger’s inbox without the basic courtesy of even a hello or self-introduction.

“If you don’t want just leave” He replied.

I think I set the world record time for the fastest time to block anyone. Guinness book of records would be so proud.

I didn’t even have time to ask myself what Idi Amin would do. Idi Amin would have never let enemies infiltrate his home just because he’s in a jolly mood and later regret it. Or would he?

HOW TO GET BLUE TICKED (SEASON 1)

Episode 1: The OB from school

It was one of those cold nights during the “farming season” when hormones revealed their true nature. A worldwide pandemic called COVID 19 had led to an unfavorable lockdown especially to the lonely hearts fraternity. I settled on my King-sized bed after another long day of saving my life by staying home with my smartphone in hand, got the most comfortable position next to the socket like sophisticated people do and opened my social media pages.

As I scrolled through my social media feeds, something that had become a chore of a sort, I recognized the usually stolen memes and long post alerts. Do people ever read everything on such posts?

While my mind was still wrapped up in the various posting techniques by people on my home page, I got a notification of a new message request on Facebook.

“Might be another Indian with a fetish for black women”, I said to myself as I went ahead and checked. Don’t judge me!

The profile picture of Lil Wayne was a promising sign, what can I say? I’m a Wayniac for life.

“Hi Laakeli”, He said.

“Hi” I nonchalantly replied and went further to check the rest of his timeline. It only showed that he was male, had recently created the account, and was born in 2000 but at least he was Uganda. Anything is better than an Indian asking for ‘Bob’ and ‘Vegen’ pictures during a lockdown.

“How are you?”, he asked.

“I’m fine, how are you?”

“I’m good. You look familiar, did you go to this school?”

“Yes, I did”, I replied a bit surprised.

“Do you remember me?”

I have to remind you at this point in time that he had a profile picture of Lil Wayne and no other pictures whatsoever .

“I joined the school right after you had left but I saw you when you came for the old boy and old girl reunion. Do you remember me?”

If this was supposed to be one of those romantic movies that started with a corny pick-up line and ended with the couple driving off into the sunset after a few days of meeting, it was the worst rated.

Out of curiosity I then asked, “Did we ever have a conversation or meet in person?”

“No but do you remember me?”

At this point in time, I asked myself, “What would Idi Amin do?”

I then chose to blue tick the message and walked away to save mankind and for world peace.

How ghosting a woman affects the economy in Uganda -unpopular opinion

“Wabula Wankyawa”
Unknown

We’ve all had that one person or people we just ghosted for no particular reason. Ever thought about how this affects the economy in Uganda? Neither did I but thanks to the lockdown, I now do.

ghosting (ˈɡəʊstɪŋ)
According to Google is the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

Have I ever been ghosted? Yes, and it hurt especially when I had contemplated ghosting them first. I felt like a scarce non-renewable natural resource in this case, to make matters worse, I was ineffectively utilized.

The amount of skill set that went into picking the perfect clothes, convincing boda guys to take you to Nansana at only 500/= (lwasa) not to mention chatting up uber and safeboda drivers just to tell them you’re using cashless at the end of the trip.

However, I later used economic research and found out my ghosting was a source of helicopter money to the economy. Low population in a high-income relationship causes social and economic problems especially when a government official is trying to climb the ranks of social structure by fighting poverty among low-income earners of the opposite gender who had a low level of education and no regard for cultural as well as religious beliefs.

With an increase in the level of technology for said economic research, I concluded that the change in law was unfavorable for our relationship to sustain economic growth and eventually ghosted the person too.

For God and my country.

HOW UGANDANS ON TWITTER ARE JUST A FACEBOOK GROUP USING IDI AMIN IDEOLOGIES -AN EXTREMIST’S APPROACH

I am the hero of Africa
Idi Amin

“I HATE MY TWITTER TIMELINE but I just can’t delete my account yet.” How many times have you said this either out loud or subconsciously? Regardless of how many times you mute a certain keyword(s), mute accounts or even block, they somehow seem to crawl onto your timeline unprovoked.

I am not simply talking about the distasteful erotic content, it’s the spelling and grammatical errors , ‘real life’ dramatic stories, internet feminists, self-entitled beggars, misinformed keyboard happy anti-feminists , proud tribalists , self-centered trend opportunists , unprofessional social media managers behind accounts of public figures, endless follow trains and don’t get me started on the spammy replies from “influencers” affiliated to popular television stations during the weekend, etc.

Truth be told, it all started with the so-called old twitter, the only difference is that it was strictly an inner circle thing. Erotic content was left to a bare minimum and usually disguised as sarcasm or sly comment to close friends and there was always accountability without feminists having to escalate the situation. Comedians were the content kings; constantly making us laugh after a long day. Old twitter opened this pandora’s box and things escalated when more mentally challenged users became the voices of reason.

Everything went sideways when UOT was birthed, old twitter were termed terrorists and thus Idi Amin ideologies set the pace henceforth. (Note that people who refer to themselves as UOT are Idi Amin and in no way have I referred to it as an individual.) We all played major roles in the current state of our timelines either directly or indirectly. UOT craves control in terms of number of followers, viral tweets and of cos the verification mark. For a bunch of people that complain about Facebook a lot, we are a knock off version of Facebook group without the group rules.

In my opinion, without trying to sound politically correct, Idi Amin was just a proud politician way ahead of his time with a passionate hobby of spewing ignorance regardless of the repercussions, as long as he had the power and wealth. He rooted for Ugandans regardless of the negative effects on the economy because well he did elect himself president after all.

Sadly, this is how UOT has been for quite a while now and it’s taking a turn for the worse with respectable brands joining in this pointless for the ratings.

If you ever feel like taking a step back from this madness please do before it consumes you. One cannot justify OTT but can accept that it did more harm than good.

However, just like Idi Amin was forcefully removed from office, who will save the rest of us caught in this fire especially with the digital era taking over post Covid19? What happens if Twitter is bought off and turned into something else? What happens when a rival with better rules especially on plagiarism takes over? All these are simply hypothetical questions from an extremist’s approach, your guesses and answers are as good as mine.

KAVALI KING TALKS LIFE AND MUSIC DURING COVID19

For my first vlog , I tasked myself to have an interview with an artist whose stage name is Kavali King. He is a rapper and producer based in Uganda, East Africa. He is one of the most sought after urban music artists and is commonly seen with a popular group named Zagang with artists like Leo Keyz, Eli kitman, to mention but afew. His style is considered afrocentric but still contemporary by MusicinAfrica.net.

Being a Hip hop fan with a secret lyrical fetish… , I believe the culture needs to be celebrated more in Uganda and talking about our own is one way to do so.

Having been nominated for various awards in MTN Hip Hop awards and 256 Hip hop awards, it was only fair we dived deeper into the person behing the brand Kavali King.

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CAlFSUgnnqe/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Kavali King tried out music while in highschool by participating in battle raps against fellow schoolmates. This gave him the the necessary street credit and motivation to aim for greater heights while developing his talent. He took to writing after high school and even earned from it before desiding to pursue it as an artist.

Why call himself Kavali King you ask?

Ever since i was a kid , my dad had that one Kavali watch and i used to bug him for it and he used to call me Kavalli
Kavalli King

The rapper now also producer says he tried many top producers around town but none gave him the sound he was looking for before fianlly starting his own sound .

Do you think he made the right decision?

As you ponder about that, his latest song titled ‘Hold my beer’ is catching waves and has his talent being appreciated by fellow artists even as far as the United Kingdom.

He really has a very simple creative process. I guess it’s true what they say, “Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that’s creativity” .

He goes ahead to talk about Hip hop artists especially in Uganda and encourages them to use this time to improve their craft.

The rapper derives most of his inspirations from real life experiences. “This album was a sonic representation of what I was going through” , Kavali on his EP Drunk intelligence .

His last words are “ keep doing what you’re doing” and don’t forget to catch his mixtape come 27^th June which doubles as his birthday.

I really can’t wait. Can you?

Best relationship advice

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

This topic actually gave me a writer’s block so bad I couldn’t write a full sentence in any language for a while. I was THAT triggered. Before we dive into the psychological aspect and question what experiences my subconscious mind tried to uncover, what is a relationship?

The Dictionary definition of a relationship is the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected.

The major types of relationships include; family, friendships, acquaintances and romantic relationships. Each of these probably had a definitive boarder in the 18^th century but times have changed, we’ve seen acquaintances become family and friendships turn into romantic relationships, most becoming lifelong marriage partners and family turn into sworn generational enemies. I have also met interesting people that went from family to romantic relationships and seem contented in their decision.

So, what happens when the relationship lines become blurry? What then qualifies anything to be the best advice?

As a stoic, the main philosophical principle always revolves around moderation as an indispensable part of the Stoic virtue such as sense of future loss, potential for betrayal, reality that feelings might change over time and basically turning powerful biological feelings into rational thoughts.

The 4 virtues of stoicism include wisdom, morality, courage and moderation.

Might I point out that we are still the best lovers because we believe in giving love rather than receiving.“ With regard to whatever objects give you delight, are useful, or deeply loved, remember to tell yourself of what general nature they are, beginning from the most insignificant things. If, for example you are fond of a specific ceramic cup, remind yourself that it is only ceramic cups in general of which you are fond. Then, if it breaks, you will not be disturbed. If you kiss your child, or your wife, say that you only kiss things which are human, and thus you will not be disturbed if either of them dies.” Epictetus

That said, the best advice I have ever gotten is no matter the season, self-love should be a priority.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood and I…
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
-Robert Frost.

A day in lockdown

I look at my phone’s screen saver time says 3:00 am, “shit, not again” I curse under my breath as I quickly mark my the chapter in my book and start organizing myself for bed. My insomnia won this round again.

I say my prayers and tactfully position myself between the covers hoping that I’ll actually be able to sleep immediately I close my eyes this time. The sound of dogs barking as well as rustling of palm tree leaves outside my window have a calming effect and I eventually drift off.

I’m stirred up from bed by the sound of the neighbor’s car horn at 6.30 am. He is a doctor, so I’ve heard from their loud house parties that I’m never invited to because I’m always indoors or rushing to go somewhere and never really talk to anyone. Anyway… “Who hoots to get out of their gate”, I think to myself as I lazily go back to my slumber.

Time check 7am, I jolt out of bed once again by the tenant’s crying baby boy. He either wanted a toy that one of his siblings was playing with or he was ignored by everyone. If only wishes were horses…

Alas I say my prayers and head to my make-shift fitness room while listening to any urban radio station. I groan in pain as the workout leaves trails of muscle pains. The woman’s voice on the work out app makes doing splits sound so easy and never mentions the fact that you’ll walk like you just shit yourself after every work out.

The sun finally greets my face at 10 am as I head to the bathroom, some of these details aren’t really necessary. Fast forward I greet my father and have breakfast as we plan for the day’s meal. I do the cooking while he looks for his favorite reading corner till lunch is ready.

I finally settle down to check for any news updates, emails, planned physical activities and any worthy social media activity thereafter. I read once that’s done and head over to my creative corner as I engage in drawing or online content creation till 5pm. I do the dishes and prepare supper and eat by 8.30 pm. I retreat to my room and watch my favorite anime or film as I reply to social media messages. I read a book at 11pm and just hope my nocturnal tendencies will let me sleep by midnight.

Time check 2 am Have a goodnight everyone.

Lessons from the COVID 19 pandemic

Coronavirus is an infectious disease caused by a newly discovered coronavirus with common symptoms like fever, tiredness and dry cough and takes 5-6days for the symptoms to show but can also take 14 days. COVID 19 is an infection that has taken the world by storm with over 180,000 deaths confirmed this year according to internet statistics. As of this day, there are 61 confirmed cases, 45 recoveries and zero deaths in Uganda, East Africa.

The following are some of the lessons I’ve learnt during this pandemic.

On a lighter note, it’s great to be an introvert. Using this time to explore my deep subconscious mind and tap into all my creativity without any distractions of a work deadline or family emergency has been a bonus. I can finally learn a new skill, follow through on working out schedules and also catch up with some book reading as well as writing. My biggest lesson is that I had been wasting too much time chasing deadlines and neglecting my health. I have the muscle aches to prove it.

As a Christian, I’ve been able to trust that there’s a higher power that controls everything and no one knows His plan. Who knew a flu like disease would put the world on hold like this? By reading scriptures of past events, you also get comfort and courage knowing this will all come to pass and everything will go back to normal soon. Lesson: Having faith in God is important during any season of your life.

As an entrepreneur, I have confirmed that internet is ideally the future of economies worldwide. Businesses that preferred calls as well as a referral system was are now actively exploring social media and rebranding to fit the Zen generation. Golazo project, a social enterprise, is also working with such business owners to help them deal with this pandemic and grow as well. Check out the website at http://www.thegolazoproject.org . Might I stress the importance of saving.

The golazo project : Tips

As a citizen, I’m happy with the quick response of the president and ministry of health at the frontline championing the flattening of the curve and enforcing measures advised by the World Health Organization. I’ve also learnt that our country needs to focus on poverty alleviation and unemployment with more people losing their jobs and others dying of hunger during this lockdown. However, donations from the citizens and companies as part of their co-operate social responsibility has proven our togetherness as a nation in an effort to fight the virus.

For God and my country.

5 books and why

There’s always something new to learn and I’m always making up a line to get it. My vibe is of positivity and always prefer reading things that help me build on that and reform any negativity I might have acquired along the way. These are my Top 5 books and why they’re my favorite.

Bible

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path (Psalm 119:105)

The Bible is important in any believer’s life. It gives us a great opportunity to learn the Gospel and also the best source for answers to our questions about God especially during trying times.

Understanding your potential by Myles Monroe

This book was actually a YouTube recommendation at the time and it’s been a part of me ever since. Despite the fact that that Myles Monroe was an evangelist, this book challenges every area of your life both as a Christian and member of society.

No excuses, the power of self-discipline by Brian Tracy

We all have expectations and goals we have for our own lives. Unless we are disciplined enough to see these plans through, we may end up shelving most of our dreams and working 8-5pm in a job we hate for the rest of our lives. It’s both inspiring and motivational.

Change your thinking, change your life by Brian Tracy.

“No excuses” is like the theoretical and “change your thinking…” is the step by step practical on how to change your life and possibly influence the people around you to do the same. With his vast experience, this book gives you an authoritative look into the experiences of some of the people and positions we want to be in.

Meditation by Marcus Aurelius

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts”

Stoicism is something we all need to learn and master and this book encourages just that among other things like dignified living.

20 facts about me

Wow, stating facts about oneself is a challenge. Bear with me for the next 20 facts will shock you.

I am a child of God. My faith is a huge part of my life and affects all my decisions and moral outlook on life. Without God, I wouldn’t be where I am today or even alive for that matter. My perfect day begins and ends with prayer.
I’m a Marketing director at Golazo project; a social enterprise working to boost productivity of businesses and help them grow especially during tough times such as COVID 19. Kindly check out our website at http://www.thegolazoproject.org for more information.
My favorite color is green. The color actually chose me from a young age because I was sort of an environmentalist from a young age.
I’m an introvert who’s great at things to do with many people. I always look at being an introvert as a blessing because I’m always able to answer questions people are thinking before they even get to ask it. Who doesn’t want a mind reader on their team?
I’m the last born and only girl in my family.
I’m an adventurous person. My creativity is always sparked off by new experiences and always make sure to take the positive from the failures.
I’m also very health conscious. I work out for a minimum of 15 minutes everyday after my prayers, without I’m heading out or not.

Internet

I’m a music addict.
“Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent”, Victor Hugo.

Drop some Hip hop, rock and RnB and watch me move my feet better than Michael Jackson.

My first pet was a dog. Someone forgot to tie him up before leaving and he ended up wandering off with stray dogs that starved and attacked him leaving deep wound around his neck and broken leg. I found him at our favorite spot breathing his last after school.
The most unusual illness I’ve ever had is German measles. It was unusual because I had already received the required vaccinations by that time.
I’m a proud nerd. My favorite series is the big bang theory and obsessed with computer engineering.
I love anime. You can refer to it as animation but NEVER cartoon.
My celebrity crush is Michael B Jordan.

Internet

I have never watched Black panther. I don’t like movies that are overly hyped, destroys the whole cinematic and script aspect of a great creation.
I neither drink alcohol nor smoke however an occasional glass of wine keeps a heart disease away .

The most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me is cooking. The only way to a girl’s heart is through food.
An instrument I can play is the piano. I’m so out of practice now.

Internet

If I could pick one lifetime supply of one type of clothing I’d choose between joggers or hoodies.
I love travelling. It’s from new places, people and experiences that one can truly appreciate life especially through your own eyes.
The best advice I’ve ever received was,” in whatever you do, have no regrets”.